EXPERIENCE THE GIVING UP

After very long silence I thought to write something, though I had many things to share in past years, the busy schedule and lack of supportive background discouraged and prevented me trying it. However I decided write again something after long time. The lake can retain water as long as water reaches to its bunt’s height.  When water reaches its bunt’s height it starts overflow. I think my long silence has also filled my mind with many of things that took place in the past and now reached to over flow. So I decided to let it flow  freely as it wishes to flow.

Have you seen water is overflowing from a bowl or pot? The water added last will flow out first. So I also thought sharing with you the most recent things that influenced me. Nowadays Sri Lanka is celebrating the “Vesak Festival” with commemorating the Lord Buddha’s birth, enlightenment and passing away. Within this period many things are happening on this land, from lighting an oil lamp to displaying giant pandols  with thousand of colorful bulbs and attractive pictures drawn on Buddha’s life, from giving little thing to providing free food and drinks to thousands of people who are on pilgrims at nicely built temporary tents at waysides.  These things only take place in Sri Lanka. Wherever you travel all over the world you never get such experience.  It is only at Sri Lanka.

Anyway my aim is not to talk about beauty, joy or glamour of “Vesak  Festival”. I am just to bring very important matter to limelight that runs under all these visible and touchable things. It is the “art of giving up”. Some people who are believed in Buddhism do things merely by faith. It is not bad thing. There is a reason to say that faith is not bad thing.  That reason is if someone from these people are need rationally understand this “art of giving up” Lord Buddha’s preaching helps them to understand it logically understand and follow. Such people are practicing the “art of giving up” with wisdom as that was taught by Lord Buddha. Whatever is the reason that lead people to practice “giving up”, it is not as easy as it seems. Giving the best is the way of real giving. Giving what you love most is the real giving.  Giving what you have excess is not a real giving up.  According to Lord Buddha’s teaching givers mindset is very important in the giving up process. Other important thing is the thing or object that we give. The thing that we give should be a thing earned through righteous and proper way.  Finally to be perfect of giving the receiver also should be highly appropriate to receive that.

If everyone of this world can practice this everyday everywhere all over the world, this earth will be the paradise that filled with happiness, joy and beauty.

Look at it through Johari window

I had a lot on my plate in the last week with some official and personal matters. Among all, attending my sister’s house-warming ceremony was also a compulsory matter.  It was an all-night religious activity. She had invited to very close kindred. Though I am loathed to attend such events, there was no way to miss it. Hence, I was there to mark my presence too.  

Apart from being in a busy atmosphere, that had been provided an opportunity for relatives to meet after several years. Undoubtedly, that opportunity was used by them to optimum and talk about anything as they wish.

While the religious activities were going on inside the house, visitors were having bull sessions in a tent built to accommodate people who burn the midnight oil until dawn.  After many short-length discussions, our clique was talking about their close call driving experiences.  One of my uncles was telling us about his experience of falling to sleep while he was driving.  Many others who were listening to this responded with their experiences and advice as well. Amidst all these talks, one person wanted to know something related to sleeping. That unexpected question was a point that turned the discussion is upside down.

“What organ of the body sleeps first when you badly need to sleep?”

This question was raised by one of my relatives, and it was sharp-edged to keep the whole area at pinpoint silence for a few seconds.

The silence was ended with a load of answers. Everyone rushed to tell an answer. Among the many of the mentioned body organs, my answer was the ball of the eye. Unfortunately, he did not accept any of our answers as correct.

In parallel to the refusals of our answers, we heated with a boiling interest to know the correct answer from this man runs a small business for livelihood.  

From the demographic point of view, the vast majority of that discussion group was knowledgeable or economically successful people. Ignoring such social or civil status, a simple question had turned all of them helpless. 

Johari Window Model

That atmosphere sparked my mind and recalled me about the “Johari Window” model. That situation and people's behavior was a real example of that model. All were acting their roles as explained in the model. How nice it to see things from a bird's view when all others trying to prove their viewpoint is correct and prove their intelligence. 

Johari window is a very impressive model to study to understand the importance of self-awareness in an environment where group activities and discussions are happening. It has been a widely discussed theory at interpersonal communication and social-behavioral platforms since it concentrates on an important part of individual perception and versatility of dealing with others. Two psychologists had been created this model in 1955 at California University. The name "Johary" has come to this model since it had been invented and developed by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham.

In my point of view, the Johari model has based on two legs. One leg is representing your knowledge. The Other leg represents your ability to acquire information from others. It pushes us to move beyond the two-way communication process. The Johari model brings some very essential characteristics into the limelight that needed for effective interpersonal communication. This signifies having trustworthy, intelligent, efficient, and effective relationships for exchanging useful information between two persons or more perhaps. Without the above personal traits were not worked as signifiers, the acquisition of the trust of the other person will not be an easy task. Revealing your information about yourself through feedback by others is a consequence of the first action's success.

This model suggests four areas to concentrate on when acquiring knowledge or expressing knowledge. Every person has an area they can work with confidence. It calls an open area to that particular person. Perhaps, that person may perform alone within that frame, since he or she is well aware of all matters in that area. Except for this area, there are three more areas to be concerned by everyone. In the Johari window model, these areas are called hidden, blind, and unknown areas.

I suppose the person who asked about the human organ that leads the person to sleep raised a question that belongs to the area not open to any of in the clique. Unfortunately, it was not an era available easy access to the internet too. Hence, all had been stuck in their blind, hidden, or unknown areas with that question.

When all the big people in a helpless state, that man became the star in the scene. Among the people who are known what is not known to them, this person was a pretentious expert since he knew an answer. In a scenario, if all are blind and unknown something, even a wrong may become a correct one. That was what happened there.

According to that person, the answer was the ear. He said, “before the eyes close our ear stops sending messages to the brain”.

Until now, I did not check the answer is correct or wrong. I was mostly inspired by the Johari Window Model experience rather than finding its accuracy. 

What body part sleep first? .. Ears...!!! I don’t know what I don’t know...😀😀  But I know, Johari The window Model works well even after seven decades. 💪👌👍

My new theory is tea theory...

I commenced blogging in 2007, most of them were real notes to my students, trainees and participants who are attending to my programs. Since I knew, my blog comments are used as reference materials by them, I tried my best to be formal, you all know that it is very difficult for me..hahha.. However, I decided to change my track finally..  I have no idea to make use blog as vehicle to deliver my notes further. I decided t use blog to say things as I see it. (Do not forget that I wear spectacles because of my sight weakness)

I think this is one of wise decisions I ever took. (I know that you will not agree with me that “one of wise decisions” part because according to you rating I have not taken any wise decision yet. Isn’t?)  I said like that because of one reason, now I don’t want jump in to many blogs written by me, under different identities, to share with many of my other friends with different interests.

So now onward, I write to all of my different kind of friends through one single blog.  This is it. Do you think can I do this? I think yes, I can, because I know one good strategy to do it. That was taught me by the office assistant worked at my previous workplace. I will tell you that theory and story behind it, it is worthwhile to share.

Making tea for the staff was one of assigned tasks to office aid at my previous work place.  It was not very easy job because some of people need it with little sugar as some other asked with more sugar and many more things like that. Many different requests and choices were there. The total staff was about sixty and if I say in other words nearly sixty different requests were there. (In accordance with the theory of every one is special in this world…hahaha). Though you don’t believe it, he delivered all these requirement satisfactorily he managed and still managing it. (Don’t misunderstand this he is not another god of handling the catering department)

Do you know how he does it? I found it.(eureka....!!!!)

One day I was having a chat with my visitor close to the pantry where he was preparing tea. I ordered to prepare a cup of tea for my visitor too. Then my visitor requested to make it with less sugar. While I was having a chat with my friend, I saw he was making a big container of tea for all of us, after finishing it, poured tea in to small cups for serving. He packed nicely them on the tray and carried to us and offered. My visitor touched one cup of tea while thanking to the office aid. Offering gratitude smile to visitor in response, office aid asked to “take the other” cup of tea and said it is for him.

That happen so and my visitor left after having tea but my curiosity to know the secret of making different kind of tea in one container was remained with me. I just called him and asked how he did it without noticing me while I was starring at him and his tea making process.

He simply replied “Sir, no body can prepare tea cup by cup according to sixty, seventy special requirements but I do that when I serve, and then they know that is specially made for them”

Do it in public...!!!

Did you feel your body has stiffened when you stand up to address a group? 

Did you feel your knees are shaking when you speak to a group? 

Did you feel your mouth throw words and you're frozen? 

If you've felt like that, be proud of it, because you've experienced that since you've  gone to speak in public. There are some other people in the world. Their hearts are cringing when they hear the words of “Public speaking”, even long before see the audience. That is why I said, “be proud of you,” because you are far better than they are. At least you have had guts to walk to stage and appear in front of a group. 

According to the surveys, Public speaking is the number one phobia in the world. Psychologist say reason might be result of experiences faced by them at their younger ages. I believe most of us should have experienced something very similar to this when we were forced to give a presentation in front of class at our early age. Whatever is the reason or cause, we do not want to worry about that anymore because some other scholars have found solutions to eradicate that phobia. If anybody wants to speak in public indeed, there are ways and means available now for earning that skill. Hence, I say you again be happy if you really want to be a good public speaker, opportunity is there for you. 

I wish to publish some of those valuable hints here, that will help you to improve your presentation skills further. If you also one of persons dreaming to become good public speaker, these suggestions will help you to overcome yours speaking anxiety and act as super performer. 

I tagged those hints as “Five Keys of Public Speaker.” If you have these five keys in your pocket always, you can carry the audience where they expect to go and show everything what they wish to see. So I advice you to see that yourself, are these magic keys with you, before you are leaving for public addressing or doing it in public.  

Be Prepared: Preparation is the first and most important of all. Pay your fullest attention to be prepared for presentation. That makes you relax and improve your confidence to give a best speech. Remember proper preparation prevents poor presentations 

Map in Mind: Keep all things in your mind as one picture. Give signs for all-important points that you wish to tell the audience. Develop the picture according to your presentation plan. See whole speech in one picture. It is so easy to explain the picture you see in mind than memorizing the text, digits and phrases. 

Synchronize the sound and action: Your voice is main vehicle, which carry your message to audience. They like to listen something in live unless they would have to buy a CD and listen to it. High and low pitches, timely pauses, emphasizing and repeating can add life to your voice build a bridge between you and audience. The effectiveness of this effort can be enhanced by dramatizing it applying the appropriate body language. 

Use serious humor: Do not try to decorate your valuable speech with artificial jokes. Humor is an essential for good speech but speaker should make use it natural manner without minimizing the quality of speech. 

Bring audience to stage: Your eye contact and amiable approach should use to link the audience and you. If you can make your audience to feel that they are part of a dialogue it is the optimum any presenter can reach. 

I am confident that my thoughts have provide you some hints and physical and mental techniques you can use immediately to help you reduce your anxiety and perform as smart and professional speaker. So study them, understand them, practice them, then those wil become yours very soon.

Now you can do it in public...!!!

 

By Wasantha Tennakoon

That makes you a leader...

Some school of thought says leaders are born. Some of others say leaders are made. Whatsoever, leaders are leaders. Hence, it is worthwhile studying what traits and qualities have made them as leaders, instead of arguing on it. 

As defined, all the great leaders have ability to mobilize human energy and create environments that inspire individuals and groups to achieve their full potential. If you have monitored winning leaders, you might be able to recognize some exceptional qualities in them. Those are the traits place them above from the rest. We can categorize those traits in to 10 main areas. 

If you also one of dreaming to be future leaders. Be insisting on those qualities because that can make you a leader. Certainly, these “Golden Traits” can make you an exceptional person from the rest of average people. 

Rule #1. Leader knows about himself. 

Leaders should know what type of persons they are and about their own qualities, characteristics, strengths and weaknesses. What they are doing and they want to do. What others are expecting from him? 

Rule #2. Leader knows well about associate members 

Leader has better understanding about members of the team. Leader knows about members’ attributes, knowledge, experience, skills, and attitudes. This understanding enhances the leader’s ability to find right person for right job and lead the team to achieve its objectives. 

Rule#3. Leader utilizes command prudently. 

Leader is the hub when work with group of individuals. Leader is the controlling point and manages the smart individuals as well as weak subordinates. Great leaders use their power for the benefit of team but without embarrassing others by it

. 

Rule#4. Leader sees the picture clearly. 

Leader knows where he should go with his team and what he should have to accomplish. He sees the positive and negative sides. He has ability to evaluate failures and achievements accurately. Never drive their teams to celebrate fake victories. They see the things in right form, take right decision, and lead the team to success. 

Rule#5. Leader set examples. 

True leaders play their roles properly. Their dedication, determination and discipline set examples to others. Though leader is not multi skilled person necessarily, should be a reliable person to the team in every sense. 

Rule#6. Leader delegates power and responsibility. 

Good leaders know to network the team through sharing the responsibility and delegating power with members. This exercise builds faith in member and makes them feel they are recognized. That will induce them to perform well their roles in the team. 

Rule#7. Leader communicates effectively. 

Communication effectiveness is the thumb rule of leadership. Without communication, skills never can be a leader. Leader has big role to play as good communicator within the team as well as out of it. We cannot find any leader from history poor in communication skills. It is that much important and compulsory for any leader. 

Rule#8. Leader is good Architect. 

The planning skill of a Leader enhances the ability of visualizing the result. Therefore, leaders are well aware of materials and mechanism of making that idea in to reality. 

Rule#9. Leader guards the team. 

True leaders act valiantly when moving the team towards failure or danger. They face the challenges with confidence while encouraging and empowering the members to conquer the failure and drive to victory. 

Rule#10. Leader makes leaders. 

Great teachers, guides and facilitators are living in all good leaders. They have burning desire in developing people. They work hard to groom second line leadership. 

By Wasantha Tennakoon

You can communicate effectively...

Since our birth, we have been communicating for years. Have you ever thought to improve your communication skills? Be an active communicator? If you have not thought about that, I would like invite to start it from now on. It does not ask many things from you. Only thing you have to do is paying a little attention than ever before.  

Majority of us have born with ability of hearing, talking, seeing, feeling, and moving our body. Except little number of people, all others use these abilities in typical manner. If we have put little effort to make use those abilities innovatively and effectively that could produce big change in us. Especially when we concentrate on communication factor, our little effort lifts us from average level to exceptional. Shifting our behavioral pattern from passive to active would be enough to make this marvelous change. 

I would like to propose you to experiment this yourself. As you know already Sound, Body and Visuals are playing vital role in commutation process. Try yourself to talk in right tone at right pitch when you speak. Learn to synchronize body movement, gestures, postures, facial expressions and eye contacts as you communicate. If you can apply those properly, that will lift you from average to exceptional communicator level. Certainly, you will be an effective communicator who has ability to register your image in any audience.

By Wasantha Tennakoon